Anyone who thinks celibacy is a punchline deserves to be dragged out into the street at Ungodly-o'clock AM, kicked and scratched repeatedly about the facial area then left alive to bleed a slow, painful, fully-conscious purgatory while maggots chew at the dead tissue around their eyes and teeth and ears and the skin and nerves and cells regenerate at a slow, itchy, annoying rate, bubbling and contorting, reeling into thick serpentine coils flapping in the wind until reconnected at the base, platelets attaching onto platelets, capillaries reabsorbing blood flow, nerves realighting to stabbing, tingling sensation and charging sodium and potassium ion particles jumping from nucleus down the axon hillock through myelin sheaths, snapping open and shut protein gates all along the way, down to the dendrites, emitting neurotransmitters across the synaptic cleft with little reuptake, reactivating protein gates on the neighboring nerve cell and igniting the process all over again, sometimes through an interneuron representing a reflex action, sometimes connecting to the spinal cord and transmitting the impulse from the Peripheral Nervous System to the Central Nervous System, going up, firing neurons the whole way through, passing across the blood-brain barrier, through the brainstem, the medulla oblongata, the cerebellum, and into the cerebrum dancing and frolicking to and fro across the corpus callosum, a grand mal seizure of emergency, and embedding itself into the cerebral cortex itself, the "gray" in "gray matter", flooding all of its corners with alarm, with a spark, a thought, an epiphany, which grows and seeps southward from gray to white, bursting whole areas of mental activity into reanimation, sending signals from thought center via blood vessels and endocrine systems to glandular organs which immerse the entire meat puppet with hormones, stimulating growth, progress, maturity, increasing survival instincts, making the heart pump faster, inflating the lungs deeper so that more oxygen can feed the blood which is engorged with white blood cells trudging to battle off the inevitable infections starting to sweep throughout the whole vascular system, making way for the epinepherine which kickstarts the neurons into afterburner-like overtime, speeding processes, dilating pupils until the black overwhelms all, simmering the whole body with a sense of hope, of life, of possibility and opportunity, until the boot which kicked you to the curb steps on you repeatedly, each time crushing harder and deeper, until releasing just in time for you to see the headlights of the incoming semi truck with its vulcanized Goodyear tires roaring on by, a millimeter away, crackling the hair splayed out aside your head.

I work around too many intelligent, arousing, drop-dead-gorgeous women for it to be otherwise.