Hard to Find

A friend at work was cheering me up the other day. She told me, "Good men are hard to find."

Damn right we are.

I'd go as far to say I'm one of the better men.

And sometimes, I'm the only man.

:)

M.B.

I miss you. So much. It's hard to believe it's only been so long since I fell crazy in love with you.
And now here we are. And I'm still crazy in love. And I don't want to leave...

Bet that's probably a bit much coming from me. Probably not. I was like that from the start. You didn't expect any of this, you told me so. But I won you over. And it was great. We felt really good together. You made me feel gooey. Like, gooey. I've been with lots of girls, and not many make me feel gooey anymore. Oh, I craved it. Any chance I could, I would want to be with you. The sex was great (what you got should be bottled and sold on the black market), but I really just loved being with you. The more I learned about you, the more I wanted to learn. And we're so different! There's so much to explore! I felt like I was given the greatest Christmas present ever. And I thought you were feeling the same thing.

Maybe you were. I do believe it. But I know I couldn't give time to it. My life went out the window when I took that second job. But I needed to. I needed to take responsibility for myself. And things are working out, barely. But I never see you. And when I do I'm burnt out. And that's not the way things are supposed to be. I have been trying very hard to accommodate you for us, but you refuse. And then you leave. And then you lie. And I wish you didn't. I wish you could trust me. I don't know why you don't. I guess I'm a fool for doing what I do. I already called myself out as Mr. Rebound, even though you shusshed me on that. In fact, you're the one who's pulling this along. Why? Why are you holding on to me? And why won't you hold onto me tighter?

I get so confused lately. I really don't know how to act around you anymore. All I know to do that does well is to continue to love you. And forgive you. Because I can't have this fall apart like everything else does. And when you look at me, I still see some hope. And for once, I want to ride that wave more than anything. So, this may be the only way I can communicate my true feelings for you. On a blog you don't care about. Where I can say my heart's desire and not fuck everything up. And where I can maintain some control again and ride out this global pattern until it comes around again.

Is this emo? Nah, not bloody enough...

You say I try too hard. Well, wouldn't it be nice if all of us tried just a little bit harder?

Om Mani Padme Hung

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Now playing: Death Cab For Cutie - You Can Do Better Than Me

Mental Health Day

Nope.
No way am I setting foot inside work today.
Mm-mmm.
The results would be disastrous.
For everyone.
I need this.
Today.
Friday I can't.
Now or never.
Just one day.
I can afford it.
'Cause if I don't...


...


Thanks. I needed that.

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Now playing: Thelonious Monk - Straight, No Chaser

New June Moon

I have lost sight of who I am.


This past New Year I wished to have a brand new everything.
Wasn't specific, just new everything.
And I think I may have gotten just that.

My career, it echoes the old but reeks of new
New duties, new stress, new headaches
My second job, it's recycled, now a different beast
Less responsibilites, more hustle
My car, once my King and best investment, has become a zombie
Prone to dying anywhere, controlled by its own whim
My bombshelter, once novelty, has become a relic
Static, stoic, dependable but staid
My friends, so exciting years ago, are now de rigueur
Dependable but monotone, a place to get lost
My artistic life, like my spiritual life, is all but gone
No shows, no walks, no spark, no go

My current girlfriend, whom I adore, touches me like only few can
Three or four before have done it
And she follows suit
Even up to the gritty end
But is it the end?
?
She says its not
But then, why am I stuck in reruns?


New Years is one of my favorite holidays, and I wanted every day this year to be a Happy New Year.
So let's start all over again.
With this New Moon, the last New Moon of the first half of the year, may familiarity and control re-enter my life
May I use the lessons of the past to navigate the future
May I accept the opportunities that life flings at me
May I once again realize that all things happen for a reason
May I live up to the birthright I fought so hard to earn
And may I learn to count my blessings before my failures
I deserve the best. I work too damn hard to accept otherwise. And it's time to collect.


If you do spend some time sending good vibes to others, please send a thought or two my way. I could use it.
I promise to spend more time thinking of you.
And I swear, things get better from here.
They have to.

Happy New Moon, everyone.



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Now playing: Jimmy Eat World - Sweetness

Sonnet

They say I am the nicest guy they know
A perfect gent, the near-extinct "great catch"
Some lucky girls who took me for a ride
Will gush, "He's such a crush! Damn, what a match!"
They say I rule the turf, a righteous dude
Who cruises smoothly 'round without a trace
He's sly, he's wry, an intellect'al prude
Who speaks eloquence right into your face
They say I play some game, a master quilt
I weave and pull directly o'er your eyes
They say some stunt I pulled went full atilt
They say they know me; still there's no surprise
Well, I don't know 'bout them, but you'll agree:
Our moment merely makes it up for me

Sonnet

This time, this time, no more the dreaded thoughts,
No ghastly synapses shall haunt the brain
No fear, no doubt, no dank depressive droughts
Shall ever darken this bright soul again
Why does the mighty soul trap its own foot
Or find blockades when only freedom 'bounds?
Why burn your bridge before you've set your boot
Or mourn your luck whene'er the trumpet sounds?
This fear, this doubt, 'tis fables made of bile
And wo'ry a lie spun by a loaded tail
This beast, this wraith, this oily, dripping smile
Unsummon thee, thy most miniscule scale!
Don't taunt the raging boil; cast it 'neath
Its spite brings might, a white-hot knight unsheathed