M.B.

I miss you. So much. It's hard to believe it's only been so long since I fell crazy in love with you.
And now here we are. And I'm still crazy in love. And I don't want to leave...

Bet that's probably a bit much coming from me. Probably not. I was like that from the start. You didn't expect any of this, you told me so. But I won you over. And it was great. We felt really good together. You made me feel gooey. Like, gooey. I've been with lots of girls, and not many make me feel gooey anymore. Oh, I craved it. Any chance I could, I would want to be with you. The sex was great (what you got should be bottled and sold on the black market), but I really just loved being with you. The more I learned about you, the more I wanted to learn. And we're so different! There's so much to explore! I felt like I was given the greatest Christmas present ever. And I thought you were feeling the same thing.

Maybe you were. I do believe it. But I know I couldn't give time to it. My life went out the window when I took that second job. But I needed to. I needed to take responsibility for myself. And things are working out, barely. But I never see you. And when I do I'm burnt out. And that's not the way things are supposed to be. I have been trying very hard to accommodate you for us, but you refuse. And then you leave. And then you lie. And I wish you didn't. I wish you could trust me. I don't know why you don't. I guess I'm a fool for doing what I do. I already called myself out as Mr. Rebound, even though you shusshed me on that. In fact, you're the one who's pulling this along. Why? Why are you holding on to me? And why won't you hold onto me tighter?

I get so confused lately. I really don't know how to act around you anymore. All I know to do that does well is to continue to love you. And forgive you. Because I can't have this fall apart like everything else does. And when you look at me, I still see some hope. And for once, I want to ride that wave more than anything. So, this may be the only way I can communicate my true feelings for you. On a blog you don't care about. Where I can say my heart's desire and not fuck everything up. And where I can maintain some control again and ride out this global pattern until it comes around again.

Is this emo? Nah, not bloody enough...

You say I try too hard. Well, wouldn't it be nice if all of us tried just a little bit harder?

Om Mani Padme Hung

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Now playing: Death Cab For Cutie - You Can Do Better Than Me