Smitten to Hell

I snapped a picture of her self-portrait during one of my visits. Crashed on her couch after a party at her place. Didn't necessarily want to stay the night there, least of all on the couch, but I had too much of everything and wasn't gonna sleep in my car again. And she treated me like a perfect guest the whole night: Sheet, blanket, pillow, glass of water, the whole schmear. Woke up on my own terms, well before her, and quick snapped a picture with my phone of her fiery face adorned on canvas. Shortly after she came out to join me, cup of coffee already in hand. She had someplace to go but she wasn't kicking me out. She also brought a camera with her to the coffee table, but she never used it while I was still there. At 11am we both left together to go our separate ways: Me to find food before my matinee and her to wherever.
Damn right I stared at her picture all the way to the theater.
It was all I could do to contain myself. Not everyone knew about her, but those who were privy to the info found themselves gushed upon. It had been literally years since I found one woman for whom I lost all my shit.
And I can't stop it. I really wish I could. Past handful of relationships I got quite good at control.

Maybe the seasons
The colors change in the valley skies

Dave Grohl's voice coming through the gym speakers. I love this song.

We see each other once in a while, every two weeks or so. Usually me going to see her, but twice she came up by me. Once was for my Open Mic Night. Translated all my pieces just for her at last minute. It sucked. The words matched, but there was little life to the stories. Another time she came to hang out at my place. Eventful visit, too. My parents showed up. They never show up. My Dad opened the door and her dog ran up to meet him. They came to collect a rack of TV tables and end up being introduced to a girl and an animal in my house. But, cool chick that she is, she made everything seamless. And I left candy on her doorstep. On her birthday. Never heard my car comin'.
Everything else?
It's all rote.
Drive Down, Meet, Chill, Catch Up, Pet Dog, Hang Out, Smoke Cigarette Outside, Chat, Pet Dog Again, Smoke Another Cigarette, Eat Something, Gather Stuff, Walk Together to Door, Hug, Leave.
Nothing tops Our First Night Together.
But I keep hoping it does.

Until one time...

She told me a story. A scandalous story. Something she couldn't share with anyone at work. They all talk. Something she could only tell a good friend. Like you, Kevin. You're a good listener and you seem trustworthy.
"But I don't know if it's right telling you."
If you feel like sharing, share away.
"Okay."
"So I met this one couple, guy and a girl, they've been together for awhile, and they're really cool and we've been hanging out together and really hitting it off with each other, and they're both really great, the guy's cool but the girl and I have really been connecting and we've been hanging out a lot more and, well,........"

I've heard this story before. A myriad of times. It's nothing new or scandalous.
But all of a sudden her hair and her eyes are less vibrant.
And the ghosts of the past seep through the farmhouse walls.
"Is it awkward that I told you this?"
...yeah, it's a little awkward.
"Oh. I think I know why, but tell me, why?"
And I told her why.


I go to the gym a lot more now. Yoga classes when I can make them. Totally making eyes with this one redhead at the juice bar. Yeah, she's catchin' me. Even though I look scrubby. Every day on the elliptical. If she could just catch me playing guitar. Four weeks in and I'm alright. Yeah. Not too shabby.
Hey now, don't make a sound
Say, have you heard the news today?
I love this song.

sigh


Melissa.


To Be Concluded...

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Now playing: Foo Fighters - Long Road To Ruin