Abstract

Originally this was planned to be a manifesto which, although quite cool to conceptualize and write, really doesn't fit the purpose of it. This isn't a declaration of beliefs, this is a statement of purpose.

Let me begin at the end.

For the past few years I have been having trouble relating socially. It has become so comfortable to stay solipsistic and distant that the situation is routine and preferable. Which isn't to say that I haven't craved human contact. So on the many occasions when I've been asked to go out my brain tends to hit overdrive. How do I act? What do I say? How do I present myself? When I am with people I can only imagine the impression they take in from me: Male, white, 30 years old, intelligent, witty, talented, highly energetic, broad aspirations, and very easy on the eyes. Yet works a menial job well below his education, abandoned his artistic dreams for little reason, appears bogged down with familial obligations, and, especially as of late, has done nothing to improve any of this.
This is an image of conflict. Two equally strong opposing forces, refusing to find any common ground. If this is what I am left with when I look myself over, what fraction of this is projected across when I am with someone else?
This was running through my mind one night about a month ago when I was recounting a recent time at work when I had asked a girl for whom I had a crush on to go out. She refused. I was bothered. My intentions were purely familiar, but I felt grossly misread. Unfair, unjust, I thought. Who I am before you is a shell of who I truly am. My story is grand and sprawling, covering three countries, full of epic iconic triumphs and heinous personal tragedies. And I am currently at the tail end of a near-decade-long spiritual journey, the most dedicated feat I have ever undertaken. Things, ideas, changes are still settling, still yet to be fully understood. It's all too much to keep inside my head. But it's right here, on the precipice of everything. And it refuses to go away.
So how do I project all this potential energy across, as well?
I looked at my dresser mirror. And I saw the girl. And I figured I just had to start from the beginning. How does it all start?
Seven years ago.
Seven chakras.
One chakra per calendar year.
And as I started I immediately stopped.
And I dropped to the floor.
And I stayed there in that spot for a good 10 minutes.
When I moved again I went to my altar and grabbed my meditation journal. I wrote one more entry. Then I tore out the rest of the blank pages. They were burned a week later.
Without opening the altar I thought about the books inside.
Seven academic dayplanners.
Each filled with meticulous notes, daily observations, symbols, vice tallies, dream recountings, emotional landmarks.
Without searching out any notebook I thought about every project I started in that time.
Radio plays, script ideas, stage shows, story topics, unfinished poetry, letters never sent.
Without opening my laptop I thought about my blog.
Every dramatic story, every open confession, every pointed comment meant to stand as true communication.
It's all fodder.
It's all usable.
It's already written.
And delivered in a nice, neat, numerologically-sound structural package.
All I have to do is put the pieces together.

This is my life's ambition: Over the past seven years I have undergone a complete transformation. The journey has been long and mostly alone, and I see the world in a vastly different array of colors. And the best way I know how to share this story is to make a production out of it. I am proposing a series of monologues, one for each chakra, written in the energy of that chakra, incorporating the events of each specific year. I envision a sparse set but a multimedia extravaganza, complete with music, lights, pictures, text, visual language. And I've prepared companion material, stories and audio tracks to accentuate and enhance the experience. It all must be accounted for and it all must be told, not only as an artistic goal but also a personal necessity. The point I have reached requires that I freely and easily present these topics on a daily basis else my social development become forever stunted. As drastic and unnecessary as these measures might appear, I consider it critical to back myself into a corner and invoke a challenge or else I will find any other way to avoid the task. It must be done. It shall be done.
It is so written.